What Kids Need to Know about Roswell, Stonehenge and the Abominable Snowman

It's about time we face up to the facts. Test scores for children are at an all-time low. The days of relying on the school system to provide the education are children so desperately need are long gone. It‘s time we take matters into our own hands and teach our children what they need to know in order to survive in 21st Century America, and possibly even 22nd Century America, as kids born this year only have to live until they are 92 to make it. Below I offer advice on some of the most important issues that I feel must be addressed with your children. Total reliance on the school system for these topics is simply too dicey.
 

Should I Discuss the Bermuda Triangle?

Only a damned fool would deny there is something really strange going on in the Bermuda Triangle. Please don't sugar-coat the events that have occurred in the Triangle, as this could damage your credibility big-time when one day your daughter learns the truth. Practically all commercial planes avoid the triangle these days as they have concluded that it's simply not worth the risk. This is why when you fly to Europe they swing you way up north towards Canada and Iceland. Sure, it takes a couple hours longer than if you would just fly straight across the Atlantic, but everybody realizes this would be simply be too risky, and perhaps even deadly. So passengers and flight crews readily accept the longer routes in favor of safety.

Cruise ships also avoid the triangle, and this is why so many go to the Panama Canal to steer as far away from it as possible. Cruising through the Panama Canal is incredibly boring, as you have to go through a bunch of locks in which there is nothing to do accept watch water full up beside your boat. But understand that these cruise companies have to kill time somehow and this seems to be the preferred method of recent years. Once again, the alternative would be to cruise through the Triangle, and this is not appropriate for the faint of heart, so most readily accept the Panama diversion.

So if you see the Triangle discussed on TV it's best to simply wave the finger at the television and mutter something to the effect of "Triangle Bad." This will help to communicate there is something sinister going on there and that it's best to avoid it all costs.
 

What About Roswell? At What Age Should I Explain This to Her:

Your child must understand what really happened on that day in 1947, and it's never to early to prepare him for the truth. I think the best way to start is at night to point out distant stars in the galaxy and then buy some model spaceships at the Wal-Mart. Then you can pretend that the spaceships are leaving the distant stars and then flying around in our atmosphere. This will get your child used to the idea that:

Yes, there are aliens from other worlds who fly in spaceships.
Yes, they sometimes will fly around in our atmosphere.
Yes, sometimes things will go wrong and they will crash like they did in Roswell.

The whole concept will obviously be too overwhelming for your child to grasp, but it certainly won't hurt to start laying the groundwork. We are so lucky to live during a time in which extraterrestrial life has finally been proven, and it's only natural to want to share this information with your child. But don't rush things, as your baby will come around in due course, as only the truly insane and those in institutions remain in denial about Roswell.
 

How Should Stonehenge Be Addressed?

Probably not during the first few years, but don't discount the possibility that she'll catch a glimpse of the rock formation on television and look at you wide-eyed for an explanation. Nobody really knows how they did it, so don't go feeding your daughter some cockamamie story about how you "think" it was done. Because the truth of the matter is that you just don't know, do you?

Personally, I could care less "how" they did it, and am much more interested in "why" they did it. I mean, give me a break, they dragged those stones hundreds of miles just to stand them up on some field? Talk about having too much time on your hands! Okay, I imagine it was pretty cool on the Summer Solstice to see the Sun and the shadow it casts like it did in the movie Indiana Jones, but was it really worth all that effort for just a few minutes of fun? And what if it was cloudy? So when I see Stonehenge on the television I point at my ear with my finger and make the classic twirling motion to indicate to my daughter that these Stonehenge creators were totally nuts. You certainly don't want her joining some weird cult when she's older (especially a group into rock formations) so the sooner you set her straight about these freaks the better off she'll be.

Should I Tell Her About the Big Asteriod That's Going to Hit Earth in 2018?

Summary

Do not rely on the school system if you want your children to know what really is going on in the world today. I have touched on some of the biggies above, but truth be known, I really have only scratched the surface, and deep down I think you know it. Please join me next month as we'll address Crop Circles, the Loch Ness Monster, and Nazca lines.

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