McCain Disputes Election Results, Claims Electoral
College Should be Based on Land Mass, Not Population
Presidential candidate John McCain will formally
contest Tuesday's election drubbing by arguing that
electoral college votes should be allocated based on
each states land mass, rather than it's population.
McCain spokesman Jim Frankel added, "the Founding
Fathers knew how important the size of land was to this
country, and we believe they set up the electoral
Under McCain's calculations, Alaska, due to its immense
size, would count for 217 of the country's 538 electoral
college votes. In fact, a trifecta of Alaska, Texas, and
Montana would be enough to put McCain over the top,
without having to worry about the traditional
battleground states such as Pennsylvania and Ohio.
Frankel claims that spending so much time in
Pennsylvania was just a ploy to keep Obama off-balance.
"We knew we were running 10 points behind in
Pennsylvania but we didn't want to tip our hand and let
Obama know we were going for land mass votes elsewhere,
so we kept up the pressure there. I thought we
bamboozled him pretty well, as Obama even went to Rhode
Island in September. The last thing we wanted was Obama
waltzing through states with large chunks of land, such
as Wyoming and Idaho."
The last Presidential candidate to win the land mass
vote but lose the population vote was Bob Dole in 1996.
The lower 48 was remarkably close that year, with each
candidate staking out equal land masses. That is, until
the returns of Alaska came in early Wednesday morning,
showing Dole trounced Clinton 50% to 33%. And thanks to
Alaska's 217 electoral votes, Dole won in a landslide.
After conferring with aides for several days, Dole chose
not to challenge the election results for the good of
the country. Dole campaign spokesman Cliff Roberts
added, "Listen, you can parse words all you want, but at
the end of the day we firmly believe the founding
fathers wanted the electoral college system determined
by land mass. They were all farmers tied to the land, so
to suggest anything different is ludicrous. But Bob knew
it would tear the country apart, so he did the honorable
thing of gracefully accepting defeat."